Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
