If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
