I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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