Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
