Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
