he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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