Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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