Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
