Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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