Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
