Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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