I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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