so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
