and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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