Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
