i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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