feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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