Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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