I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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