Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
