I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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