you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
