Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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