R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
