Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
