My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
