I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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