I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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