Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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