the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
