bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
