have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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