You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
