I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
