i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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