im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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