Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
