I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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