He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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