I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
