So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Drunk walkin through police station. America
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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