I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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