Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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