Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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