he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
