k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
