You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
