i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
