I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
