Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
