ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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