So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
