ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
