Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
